


Here But I'm There

by Raynecloud254



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 19:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5139401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raynecloud254/pseuds/Raynecloud254
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa is back from her deployment in Afghanistan and she is having difficulties coping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here But I'm There

The entire world was spinning as Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and planted a kiss on her cheek. She heard Octavia laugh and felt Clarke move to smack the younger girls shoulder, and Lexa let out a giggle of her own as she pressed another kiss to Clarke’s temple.

“I think that we should get out of here.” Lexa slurred into Clarke’s ear.

The blonde let out an amused chuckle, turning to face her girlfriend. “So much for not drinking tonight.” She teased with adoration and a bit of worry in her eyes.

Lexa stuck out her tongue, taking Clarke’s hand and beginning to pull her out of the bar. “See you guys!” She called over her shoulder to their snickering friends.

They stepped out into the chilly November night, Clarke’s arm wrapped loosely around Lexa’s waist, and they stumbled down the three blocks to their apartment. Through her drunken haze, Lexa could feel Clarke’s concerned glances, but she brushed it off until they were crawling into bed and she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Why do you keep looking at me?” She sighed, rolling over to face Clarke.

Clarke bit her lip, brushing a strand of hair away from Lexa’s face. “I’m just a little bit worried about you.” She answered quietly. “You’ve been back for a week and you’ve been drunk almost every night…what’s going on?”

Lexa closed her eyes, wishing she would pass out to avoid answering the question. It wasn’t an easy one to answer, there was so much going on, and adjusting to life outside of the military wasn’t an easy task. The drinking helped keep the dreams away, kept her hands steady and her voice strong whenever thoughts of Gustus, or Costia came creeping in. Lexa opened her eyes and drew in a deep breath. How could she explain to Clarke what she was going through? That whenever fireworks went off, she was tossed back into the gunfire and explosions? Or when a child screamed, her first instinct was to reach for her gun… Lexa shook her head, searching Clarke’s face to find a way to make her understand. She opened her mouth to apologize, but the only sound that came out was a broken whimper; and she was sobbing. Clarke’s arms were around her instantly, pulling her in close so that her head was resting on Clarke’s chest. 

“It’s so hard!” She cried, clutching the material of Clarke’s shirt tightly in her fist. “It never leaves! The people, the sounds… I’m stuck in a fucking nightmare and everything here reminds me of there! I watched my friends die, executed right in front of me because I couldn’t get to them in time. Costia and Gustus are dead now and it’s my fault!” Lexa explained, voice quivering as she tried to compose herself.

Clarke shook her head, pressing her lips to Lexa’s head and rocking her gently. “It’s okay…you’re okay.” She soothed, stroking Lexa’s hair. “It’s not your fault Lexa.”

“You weren’t there! You don’t know that, you can’t say that! I’m a monster Clarke, and one day you’re going to realize it and you’re going to leave.” Lexa shrieked, trying to break free from Clarke’s embrace.

Clarke only held her tighter. “No, but I know that you would have done all you could to get to them. You’re not a monster Lexa; you were doing what you had to do. And I know that you’re going to be okay, I’ll help you get through this. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

Lexa felt her heart throb and she lay there in Clarke’s arms crying until her eyes ran dry and her throat was raw. Then Clarke began humming an unfamiliar tune until Lexa finally drifted off to sleep.


End file.
